I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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