while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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