so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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