If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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