he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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