i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
