Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do herpes really smell.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
