Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
