do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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