I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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