I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
