She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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