i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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