I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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