that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
