he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
