Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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