i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
