I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bring me that man meat
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You ruined the universe
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
