Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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