every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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