is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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