Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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