I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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