farters have to be the big spoon...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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