"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
