At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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