I smell stomach acid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
