I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
