3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
