Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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