I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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