I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
