It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
