so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
