I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
