I faked an abortion last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
