I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
