At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
