3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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