I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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