True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
