You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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