i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
