I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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