My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Come on in and take your pants off
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