coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize