just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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