this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
