If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
