I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
