my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
