so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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