You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When did angry sex become our thing?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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