Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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