I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
