This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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