i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
