Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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