Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize