He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My vagina is officially offended.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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