Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
