Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
