so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wear drunk well.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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