Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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