Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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