Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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