yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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