I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
