i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
