Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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