Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
