speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize