Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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