Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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