my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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