I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you still have your period?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
