Fuck appropriateness.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
