____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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