My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
