and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
