It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize