Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
