He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
