I wish I only lived at night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
