Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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