did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
