it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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