Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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