Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
