i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
