sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
