You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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