My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
