You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
