Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
