Duck Duck Cougar?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drunk is not a location!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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